


A good man

by katiebuttercup



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: - - Freeform, 8 x 4, Based on the director interview, Braime forever, F/M, I think it’s a crappy thing to do to a character, i haven’t watched an entire episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 01:02:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18768007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiebuttercup/pseuds/katiebuttercup
Summary: He wants to be better, he wants to be a man worthy of a woman like Brienne, but he’s not, he can’t be, not when he still feels Cercei under his skin





	A good man

She’s beautiful asleep, curled up beneath the heavy furs. He sits at the end of the bed huddled in the dark like the coward he is. If he were the man he should be, the man Brienne wants him to be he would be under the covers with her, he’d wrap her in his arms, bury his face in the smooth curve of her shoulder and be happy. 

But he’s not and he can’t because he feels Cercei under his skin like a splinter, the dark shadow in the bright light of his love for Brienne. It sickens him to his stomach to admit it but he misses her, he still loves Cercei or at least a part of him does, the visceral, dark side of him. 

He’s never handled anything as fragile as Brienne, as her love for him. However her build, her fighters spirit she has a maiden’s heart, as breakable as any lady, certainly more than a woman like Sansa Stark. The world has turned them all hard, except for Brienne.

He has to go, if the tide is turning he has to be there with Cercei, they came into the world together it is right they should leave it together. 

It should be a simple decision, how many times has he gone back to Cercei, it’s a habit he can’t break. He’s not one hundred percent sure he wants to.

But Brienne...

His heart lurches at the thought. He leans over, runs his fingers over the defined muscles of her arms, drinking in her strength. God he loves her, loves her enough to let her go, it will be his one selfless act in his life, to let Brienne go, to find glory and happiness while he wallows in the muck. 

He wants Brienne to find a man worthy of her. It makes him swallow bile at the thought of another man sharing her bed, her smiles, her trust. 

He scrubs at his face, the bristles of his beard scratching his fingers. He has never felt so conflicted, torn in two, spiralling in the dark with no way to tell which way was up. 

He was hateful, a man on a string, he had never strayed from Cercei before, never wanted to before Brienne and even that terrifies him. That between Cercei and Brienne there is even a choice.

He presses kisses along the ball of her shoulder, feather light to stop her from waking.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, choked and full of regret and pain. “I’m so sorry Brienne, I know you don’t understand but I...I...loved you”

And then he turns away before his courage fails him and starts packing.


End file.
